general, Life

A garden for flowers? It’s possible.

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It’s been 36 hours that I haven’t eaten anything but few spoons of rice. For one week, I am struggling with some kind of flu, H1N1, H3N2, or some other type. Of course, as always my body was cooperative and waited until I clicked the “submit” button of my job application process and then collapsed. Finally, this morning I could stand on my feet without feeling dizzy. I went on the scale and there it was … Yes! I had lost 2 kilos … Even though they will come back soon, it still feels good looking at my flat belly!

The first thing that catches my attention in the apartment is the lamenting situation of my flowers. They reflect my state of mind. They need water and care. I quickly get to work. I again think about my dream house, with a garden or at least a balcony for my flowers. I murmur “I will get it one day”.

“I will get it one day”. This phrase resonates in my head. It’s been such a long time that I hadn’t thought that I could get what I wanted. There were dreams and there was reality. I now feel that I can approach my dreams, as crazy as they can be.

I can not say that this is the new me. And I have not followed an American style “think-positive” course. No, I have always been persistent and quite clear about things I wanted. I just lost courage somewhere in the past few years. I don’t know when or why exactly. It could be the fact that the guy who meant everything to me, left me to conquer the tall blond russian. It could be the ass**le who stripped me of all confidence at work, or it could just be the discouraging hardship of life in 21 century. I don’t know.

Perhaps I know what click me back. A huge failure. Failures are there to remind us that we should go forward and never stop. When I didn’t get my job last year, life came to an end. That was the job and the place I wanted to be. Exactly like the guy. I could see no other option. I hid myself for a week in my cave and thought hard. I cried and I hated the whole world. My flowers were mourning with me. Then, I came up with a solution: Let’s try again.

Surprisingly, I found another place that attracted me as much as the previous one, even more stimulating. I like my new “potential-boss” when he tells me: “Let’s take things pas à pas (step by step)”, trying to calm me down. I trust him and so far all the steps we have taken have been quite smooth and in the right direction. This experience gave me hope in fixing my personal life as well. I know exactly what I want and what I don’t, I should probably starts some interviews soon.